I was going to write a poem in response to today’s one word prompt, as is custom for my blog, but I felt like “conquer” described all too perfectly my current state to handle it abstractly or leave it to interpretation. Last week, I embarked on my first solo trip to Colorado. And while I’ve written about trip details in another personal blog (for my own enjoyment and reflection), I thought it too special not to share over this medium as well.
To start, I was afraid to go. I had asked everyone (I mean, everyone) for suggestions of what to do and see, because I was afraid that I would get there and somehow miss it. This was the first excursion that was completely reliant on my decision-making skills for satisfaction. A fact that had begun to terrify me leading up to departure, as this was not necessarily my greatest strength. See, I tend to bend to the whims of the majority, the greater good, etc. But I quickly realized I could not wiggle my way out of this one. There was no one else to credit, and worse yet, to blame.
There’s a reason I stick to poetry. Writing like this is extremely raw. There is no room for interpretation in personal blogs, so I’m making a point to keep it vague and somewhat short. Furthermore, I realized early on during my trip that I didn’t want to share all the intimate details with friends and family. Too often people try to relate to your experiences and make connections, and while there is nothing wrong with that, this trip was too magical. I had conquered so much during this time that I couldn’t bear to see it taken away from me. And if this doesn’t make sense to you, that’s okay. Hiking alone among the birds and breeze may not be for everyone, but it was an experience I cannot shake from my mind. It was a comfort I had not yet felt, but have since dreamed of and longed for during my few days back.
Yes, this could be a sadness brought on by “vacation sickness,” but it feels like more. In fact, there were aspects to the vacation that were actually quite difficult, but I conquered nonetheless. I overcame slight social anxiety to meet new people and put myself “out there,” terrible navigation skills to traverse various trails and unknown cities with minimal difficulty, and great physical demands to relish some of the most breathtaking views of my life.
Overall, I trusted and bet on myself.
I conquered that fear.